Praying for a Miracle

As I'm sure you're all well aware, Gabe and I have been trying to get pregnant. Obviously, it hasn't happened yet. :(

We're starting to get desperate. That may even be putting it lightly. If we had it our way, we would've had a baby almost a year ago and would be starting to think about trying for #4. Since that hasn't happened, we're having to start thinking of other ways to get pregnant than the "normal" way (tracking ovulation, timing sex, waiting, and testing). No, we've been reduced to having to ask for help.

Yup, that's right. ASK for help. This coming Thursday, the 12th, we're heading to Tucson for some tests. Hopefully, that will help clear up why we're not pregnant and then we can go onto the second step... getting pregnant with the help of drs.

We had to ask for help in getting pregnant with Alena because I never naturally ovulated. I was given Chlomid and boom, a month later I was pregnant! This time however, I DO naturally ovulate and even have regular periods (you really wanted to know that, right?).

We have so many worries about what could be wrong with us or if it's something that we're doing or not doing. So, so frustrating to be in this situation. I could not stand to be those people who try and try for years and years. It. Would. Kill. Me.

Also, (and please don't be offended if you fit into this category) seeing pregnant women EVERYWHERE is just about killing me. Even friends who are pregnant, whether from trying or not. But the ones who don't try and it "just happened" are the ones that REALLY get me! Miss Fertile Myrtles is what I like to refer to them as. And this sounds bad, but the preggos that have just had a baby get to me to. It puts more stress on me than I need right now and it is in part. jealousy too. I have debated a few times about segregating myself from the ones pregnant and/or ones with newborns. Just so I can focus on what we need right now and to get away from some of the stress. That sounds so harsh and I'm sorry, but I'm tired. Tired of trying and not succeeding when it should NOT be this HARD. I'm starting to lose the ability to hold my tongue on certain "hot-button" topics for me. (pregnancy, labor, and breastfeeding being the top 3)

So this is your warning... If I snap and lose my temper or say some things that I should not be saying, I'm sorry. That is my frustration talking and please try to forgive me, OK?