Can't We All Just Get Along?

I feel like I am in a CONSTANT power struggle with the kids and that they are in a constant power struggle between the two of them.

I have a very opinionated and strong-willed four year old girl and a two year old boy who's quickly learning to toughen up and give his sister a piece of her own medicine. Most days, I'm breaking up some sort of fight or argument between the two of them just about every fifteen minutes. I can't seem to get them to understand that when one hits the other, they will hit back. And then it just tailspins into more hitting and someone always ends up crying.

I was using spankings and time outs as punishments, but I'm trying to put an end to spanking. Sort of a "live by example" type of thing. If I'm constantly telling the two of them to stop hitting, well I need to stop too. And so far, it doesn't seem to be making a difference. I try talking to Alena about being nicer to Christian but she blatantly tries to ignore me. Talking to Christian is like talking to a wall.

I don't know what to do anymore. If they're fighting over a toy, I try to be fair about who ends up with it. But when that doesn't work, I take the toy away. Toys create a lot of fights in our house. Especially with one girl and one boy. Alena doesn't think Christian should be playing with her toys b/c he's a boy. But when she wants to play with one of his toys, it's a whole different story.

And then there's picking on each other. Alena loves to do things on purpose just to upset Christian. Well he's learning fast and picking up on it. Now they both do it to each other. Part of it could be boredom... I just don't know why they fight so much but I'd really love for it to stop. I realize it'll never completely stop (I remember fights with my siblings)... but I want some more peace in this house. I'm around them nearly 24/7 and I'm about to go crazy.

Of course, they're not ALWAYS fighting. There are moments when they play so nice and they're giggling and I love it. I just wish there was more getting along and less fighting. *sigh* This too shall pass... right?